i should have stayed in bed

really, it would have been easier. i stayed up late reading again and when i awoke, shit had already gone downhill. joshua is having trouble with the investors and it looks as though we may have no more money for the project.
after that i draw a complete blank. there was life before freenet, we will do just fine after...but oh wow, this is shitty. i do not guess we will stay in lawrence now. or it could be that he stays at work until he fixes it, although how he is going to fix this one is beyond me. i meant to email the investors after they left and tell them what a great time i had and it was nice to meet them and now that i just want to ask them why? why ruin things for me? i had school almost finished and we were going to actually talk about a more serious step and then maybe kids and happily ever after.
...
i realize i just ended my hope for happiness because of one silly twist. maybe i should try to be more optimistic. think of all that we have learned from this.
i have learned not to get settled. and do not buy too many dvds because you have to pack them when you move. maybe i should take up tv watching instead. i cancelled the cable because it was brought to us by the media monopoly in larryville and we do not support the devil.
i have stopped shopping at walmart and only buy my gas at qt. we are good people and we pay our bills on time, why is it so hard.
i have a feeling i should end this post before i get mad or start crying...
maybe i will not get out of bed tomorrow.