11 September 2007

is it tomorrow yet?

i spent another weekend at home. this will be my last for a few weeks. it was an average weekend but i was just not having a good time of it. i spent time with my sister, brother, dad and step-mom, and even got to see george and derek. i should have been happy. my mother called and left guilt-ridden messages and then proceeded to call me 20 times in one day. i think it may be time to cut off her phone. cheryl and lee both want her to have one but i for one am not happy about her harassing me. i ended up spending most of sunday sleeping because i felt bad and then had a terrible night sunday. my daughter is still exploring her space and sometimes really gets to kicking me. that plus the heartburn made it a rough night. i finally got out the door monday around noon then had to stop half way and take a nap. when i arrived home i was sad, tired, and not feeling great so i went directly to bed. joshua came home with a hideous handle-bar mustache that he thought was funny and then told me i had to put up with it for another month. that really did not sit well with me so i got even more depressed. a warm bath helped a little and then i decided to continue on my quest for new decorations for the house we bought. really all i need is a good cry and some cookie dough. maybe i can even get enough energy to go to work tomorrow.

03 September 2007

a new day

joshua and i are taking the day off. he is still in bed at noon. that is the best place for him. he has worked so hard this year and has been supportive of me through everything. we are going to have lunch with friends, yes friends. we have two nice couples we hang out with. actually they are the girls from my yarn group and their husbands but joshua knew one of the husbands before we moved here and the other is an engineer so we are hoping they speak the same language. after lunch we will hang out a bit and then head to kc to have dinner with joshua's cousin and aunt. i actually need to end this now so i can make my hair lay flat.
i just wanted to say that today seems like a better day.

02 September 2007

coming to terms

it has been a tough month. i almost said weeks but then i realized that it has been longer than that. my wonderful second dad died august 11th and i am still working that out. he was a father for me when mine could not be. and even though my mother left him when i was a teenager he still was my dad. he helped me with homework, helped pay for college, gave me advice when i asked and was going to be a really wonderful grandpa to my audrey. my step-father passed suddenly at the young age of 52. we are all still trying to pull ourselves together and work through the pain. lee and his girlfriend will move into the house once it is fixed up for them so we will always have a place to go visit. mom still has a hard time talking about it with anyone. i do ok except at night when i have stopped thinking about my everyday life. last night was pretty rough and joshua did not know what to do with me. he wants to be able to fix everything and there is really nothing he can do. if i craved ice cream or pizza he would run to the store for it but there is nothing really i want.
my sis just called and we talked for a while, comparing our lives. remarkably, we are going through the same stages. i told her that i keep thinking about the little things like the state fair coming up at the end of the month. bob always took the kids to the fair. his birthday is next month, what will we do? christmas will be the worst i feel, or maybe when audrey is born. i got online with the tulsa world and read the nice things people said about bob on the guestbook. that made me cry as well.