and so i laugh

laughter really is the best medicine. so that is what i do. in order to not give up. i have not reached the crying stage i think because larissa has been with me the past two days helping, packing, talking, and generally keeping my spirits up. the new landlord is dropping off the key in a few minutes and it appears that i may have burned the rice.
time for a graceful exit...

is it too late to burn everything?

i wander through a sea of boxes, empty shelves, stacks of linens, and cleaning supplies. the cat is playing jungle kitty among the packing materials. joshua and i are trying to pack for the next few weeks as we have events planned every weekend and most of the weeks. i am certain that if we tried the two of us could not have packed so many activities in two weeks. after moving for the next two days we will fly to somewhere in indiana i have yet to learn how to pronounce, return in time for summer school, help joshua's cousin move to KC, provide wireless internet for a major music festival two days later, and camp at the event for 3 days. all of this is to take place while joshua works and i attend classes. it is hard to believe i am dreading this.

dog days of summer

i spent an hour and a half working to get a table into joshua's tiny little car. after that i drove to tulsa in a car with no air conditioning. then the aforementioned table had to come out of the car when i dropped off stuff at my mother's new apartment. it was hot and i smelled all day yesterday.
most of the early hours on friday were spent doing research on william burroughs for todd. he wants to buy the burroughs house and make a museum out of it. i found the gentleman who owns it and got todd the information. this could be entertaining.
more family stuff to do now: visit the cemetery, go see mom, take care of cheryl's pretty puppies. hope the family reunion is bearable this year.

where do the days go....

i used to think the day would never end and i would have to sit at my desk in class forever; now i lament the rapid passing of the hours, days, weeks, and years. my plan was to go in for a few hours to help leah learn the ropes at the office and i ended up drawing many more tasks to keep me busy throughout the week and into the next. i do not complain the act of working but i do mind the addition of more crap loaded onto my already full plate. and for some reason i thought i would have all of next week to pack and as it turns out i need to be finished monday. this is going to pose a problem seeing as i had already planned to go home this weekend. my family reunion weekend may be cut short. never enough time.

another sleepless night

no real reason to be up, no real want to sleep. i am sure to regret it tomorrow as joshua has asked me to come to the office and work. they hired a new bookkeeper and i am to help her on the finer points of the office. sometimes i wish i could be some dumb trophy wife with no real value other than looking good; then i could claim ignorance on all matters and not be required to help out everytime a new staff member needs to be shown the ropes.
but we have our funding and things will go well for another month.
i just finished yet another tacky novel and have decided to put my mind back to better pursuits with a gabriel garcia marquez and then possibly a henry miller for some excitement. then i can really get into the two political books i picked up yesterday. that first thus of jack kerouac was in great shape, i really should head back and pick it up for todd and make it a nice surprise. for $45 i bet it wont sell tomorrow. my bookstore days were so much fun, now that i look back on them. i chatted with my friends when they stopped by, read whatever i wanted, and learned a great deal about books. i think it may be time to stop back by the oaktree and say hi to old scotty.

moving makes me crazy

and i keep putting it off. larissa and i avoided it yesterday by shopping downtown. i found a p.j. o'rourke novel i have yet to read and a book written by eugene mccarthy. it is no wonder i like my poli-sci courses, i have politics on the brain even at the bookstore. today has been another successful avoidance of packing. i mostly pouted in my room and racked my brain as to what we will do if joshua loses funding. then joshua called to say funding came through for the month and he wanted help making a splinter removal kit for the investors who have been sitting on the fence for 5 months. i wrapped the packages up with ribbon and included hand lettered name tags. these sort of antics should really not be encouraged but i could not help it; i thought it was funny. let us hope joshua never finds my blog because i told him it was childish and not funny.
andy and larissa stayed for dinner last night. we made andy cook and we chatted the entire time. i fixed bread pudding for dessert and helped andy find everything in the kitchen. we started around 7 and spent the entire evening having a great time. it was a reminder of how good it is to have friends. joshua even commented on how good of a time he had. with that success it is hopeful that we can start leading a more normal life with friends and evenings spent laughing.

where is the camera?

this has to be a candid camera moment. the electric company just called to say they never received my payment. in this day of technology how do i prove that my payment company sent an electronic payment to them which cleared my bank as if it were a debit transaction? the nice woman on the phone wanted me to fax a cancelled check. these are the times when technology is evil.
i need desperately to get the house packed, update the website, and record the finances yet i am in bed reading a really bad mystery novel simply because it was written by a tulsa author and has mention of tulsa places. i need to go home for the summer.
speaking of which, i also need to fix the school situation and find out if i really am going to have a class this summer. it looks as though the main class will be cancelled due to lack of enrollment.
yesterday was also the discovery day of yet another bit of fun; we will have a little less than 24 hours to move into the new place because the people in there could not find a house to buy.
i am going to get to work in hopes that makes me feel better.

chocolate milk makes it all better

i had to post that things are better now. joshua came home and calmed my fears of the world crashing down and selling all of our stuff to become gypsies. i am still packing and joshua is working from home. tomorrow will be better; i have a lot of chocolate milk. and bread pudding.

i should have stayed in bed

really, it would have been easier. i stayed up late reading again and when i awoke, shit had already gone downhill. joshua is having trouble with the investors and it looks as though we may have no more money for the project.
after that i draw a complete blank. there was life before freenet, we will do just fine after...but oh wow, this is shitty. i do not guess we will stay in lawrence now. or it could be that he stays at work until he fixes it, although how he is going to fix this one is beyond me. i meant to email the investors after they left and tell them what a great time i had and it was nice to meet them and now that i just want to ask them why? why ruin things for me? i had school almost finished and we were going to actually talk about a more serious step and then maybe kids and happily ever after.
...
i realize i just ended my hope for happiness because of one silly twist. maybe i should try to be more optimistic. think of all that we have learned from this.
i have learned not to get settled. and do not buy too many dvds because you have to pack them when you move. maybe i should take up tv watching instead. i cancelled the cable because it was brought to us by the media monopoly in larryville and we do not support the devil.
i have stopped shopping at walmart and only buy my gas at qt. we are good people and we pay our bills on time, why is it so hard.
i have a feeling i should end this post before i get mad or start crying...
maybe i will not get out of bed tomorrow.

days away

i have been gone only a few days but everything seems to have changed and it all is exactly as i left it. joshua made a mess of the house and took two days off while i was in tulsa. i ran around like a mad chicken the entire time home. first it was a quick trip to paola to stay with my aunt and leave early for tulsa. then we left late, had lunch with the grandparents, picked up my cousins, they dropped me and left for okc. i had to call my uncle for a ride, deliver dinner to my mom, and then got stuck at another cousin's so my uncle could run back to work. after work my step-mom picked me up and i thought the relaxing would soon begin. after getting back to my dad's my sister called and needed a car. we dropped one for her and went out to dinner. soon cheryl called and needed money for sam who was stuck at qt having pumped gas and had no money to pay for it. we drove to owasso, paid for gas, then i was dropped with my sister so i would have the car for the evening. i ended up staying with my sis, mom, and cousin danny for most of the evening and on into the night. that was friday. saturday begun early (8am) and kept going until 3:30. i then took a nap, waited for my aunt, dropped off my cousins, and we were off to kansas. i will leave the rest for another post if i feel it is nessesary to tell.

music makes you dance

i went out to see live music tonight. initially it was just to get out of the house and hang out with larissa. the type of music mattered not to me and i was actually under a false impression they were a blue grass band. turns out "brass and grass" are a very jazzy brass band. it was great! they had a tuba player and i danced about half of the time. larissa's brother plays the trombone in the band which was how she found out about the show. i felt like a normal person tonight; one who has friends and goes out to have fun.
while the very pregnant larrisa danced, andy and i talked about the days in which we used to party all night years ago when we were young. i told him about all-nighters at ikon. i flashed back to nights spent dancing my ass off and resting on the couches.
tomorrow we are having breakfast with the investors and then going to meet the man who owns william burroughs' house. they want to buy it and turn it into a beat museum. my beat fasination and thompson thing is serving me well here. we spent all evening talking about burroughs, thompson, anais nin, henry miller, and ken kesey. i loved it but joshua was bored.

time to blog

i started this thinking that it would be fun, but i never follow through on anything. i have never finished college, i am divorced, and i quit working because it got in the way of school. it has only been a few days but so far i like the idea of writing stuff down somewhere. i tend to want to communicate when there is no one available to chat with me, or i have just a few minutes so starting a conversation would be pointless.
i spent an hour on the phone with my mom today and that went fine. cheryl called last night to complain about her (mom) but i was in the middle of the dinner party and could not talk. i wonder why she is fine on the phone with me and annoying to cheryl.
note to self, do not give mom the url of this blog to check in on me. family feud would insue.
time to get out of the house. it is beautiful today and i need to get outside.

the day without end

i made it through the dinner party. turned out to not be a dinner party so much as a chance to eat all the appetizers and talk while dinner got cold. we did finally eat a tiny portion of the painstakingly prepared meal, albeit a little late and a little cold. i had better get used to these silly entertainment evenings where i am expected to play the role of the perfect housewife. the fare was good, conversations better, and i held my own with the investors. i am just happy it is over. tomorrow i can begin packing and doing all of the normal things that need to be done around here. oh, i had my molds done today and paid for the expensive braces. my appointment is for june 29th =at least they will be hidden. now to do something with the ugly glasses...
off to read more of the strange true crime novel and maybe a gardening book.

what day is it?

i have lost all track of time and reality. staying up so late caused me to sleep in and then goof off all day. larissa stopped by and we went antique shopping for her brother. after a quick stop at the store i was home to finish the finances and start working on tomorrow's dinner with the investors.
who said i could cook? i know it was not joshua, he is not impressed by my fare. and i am not allowed to get fancy because the point is to get more money out of them by showing how poor we are. maybe compared to malibu vcs we are poor but i have never had a new car, two story house and not worked before. i guess it is joshua's job to make the money so i should not complain.
tomorrow i go in to get molds done of my teeth for the strangely expensive braces i will be wearing soon. after much debate i gave in and opted for the ibraces that are worn on the inside of my teeth. i believe that small nazi women have to make them by hand with carving tools and rare animal bones. i feel very silly. two more years in braces and my teeth will be good. now i can use the home bleaching kit the dentist gave me to make my pearly whites pearly again.
time to make the donuts. i still remember the nights we would stay up til the wee hours and wake up george's older sister so that she could go make donuts. those were the days.

again with the writing

i slept. and then i got crappy emails. how dare he scare me into thinking i never sent my final. i emailed it on friday and i emailed it to him again today to prove i was right. if this counts against my grade i will seriously have a nutty. i will have a nutty on professor white. sorry, i am focusing.
i did get a nice email today from my friend justin. it is sort of silly that all of my new friends are so much younger. and not simply because i am back in college, larissa is a friend from lawrence, not college. she and i spent hours gabbing yesterday. only a month or so until the baby comes and i can play with him. she still plans to go to the festival very preggers and is totally fine with that. you have to admire her strength.
justing has invited my to watch the dictator with charlie chaplin and nosferatu. we just finished european history and felt it apropriate. i need food and the post office.

summer time now

it is quite obvious to me now why i always try to stay busy. at 3am i am still reading the true-crime novel, wandering the house in search of food and pointedly not sleeping. how is it that a job or morning classes can regulate my sleep so effectively? or is it that i am simply revolting against the weeks of hard work to finish 4 papers and 3 final essays? at least there are no more nazi books beside the bed, joshua is happy for that.
tomorrow i plan to begin a few weeks of domestic bliss involving at least one dinner party and much packing for the move across the street. actually it is through the back yard and across the street. i also hope to finish at least one hastily begun craft project, possibly even start more. larissa is a great craft buddy and i think we will be working on several projects together in the coming months. she sews, crochets, and knows how to use joshua's tools. i want to make floating shelves for the walls and i am afraid that i will cut off a finger with the jig saw. it may be time to get over this fear. but not right now.

it's sunday, that should be enough

i stayed up late reading a book for enjoyment. i know it sounds silly but i have not read a non-history book in months. i did not even think i had any on my shelf, but it turns out i bought a great true-crime one a few months ago.
today i am supposed to hang out with larissa and look at baby clothes with her. she is so nice sometimes i wonder if i am just forcing myself on her because i have no other friends in town. either way we are both free for the next few weeks and if she does not like me it's too bad because i am going to be around.
i wish i had not broke my phone. then i would have a few numbers and i could call people. lunch-time....maybe i will post more later.

school is out for the summer!

i am mostly just happy that i do not have to write anymore papers. if they told me i would have to write so many papers i would not have picked history as a major. what am i going to do with a degree in history anyway? i keep telling myself that i will continue with the education part and become the best history teacher, just like mr. marcum, but then i put off the education courses again.