coming to terms

it has been a tough month. i almost said weeks but then i realized that it has been longer than that. my wonderful second dad died august 11th and i am still working that out. he was a father for me when mine could not be. and even though my mother left him when i was a teenager he still was my dad. he helped me with homework, helped pay for college, gave me advice when i asked and was going to be a really wonderful grandpa to my audrey. my step-father passed suddenly at the young age of 52. we are all still trying to pull ourselves together and work through the pain. lee and his girlfriend will move into the house once it is fixed up for them so we will always have a place to go visit. mom still has a hard time talking about it with anyone. i do ok except at night when i have stopped thinking about my everyday life. last night was pretty rough and joshua did not know what to do with me. he wants to be able to fix everything and there is really nothing he can do. if i craved ice cream or pizza he would run to the store for it but there is nothing really i want.
my sis just called and we talked for a while, comparing our lives. remarkably, we are going through the same stages. i told her that i keep thinking about the little things like the state fair coming up at the end of the month. bob always took the kids to the fair. his birthday is next month, what will we do? christmas will be the worst i feel, or maybe when audrey is born. i got online with the tulsa world and read the nice things people said about bob on the guestbook. that made me cry as well.